But, it’s not fair!

Haven’t we all heard that from our kids? I think I have heard myself say it as an adult !  If it was about who gets the bigger half of the cookie or who had 5 more french fries than the other child….I often didn’t respond.  Or sometimes I responded with , “maybe you’re right, it’s not fair”. But often times the “it’s not fair” comment is in response to kids getting a no, you cannot do that, or have that. And a lot of those times are when a sibling who is older or younger gets something or gets to do something that the other one doesn’t.  

My response often to the “it’s not fair” comment was, ” well…..it may not be equal…..but, it’s fair”.  A lot of times kids are asking for equal.  If she can go, then I can go.  If he doesn’t have to take out the garbage, then I don’t have to. If they get to stay up late, then I want to.  As a mom, I resolved not to say, ” well, life isn’t fair”.  It never seems to satisfy the complaint.  I think that acknowledging the fact that it’s not equal, makes a kid feel heard.  And things really don’t have to be equal to still be fair. 

I asked my daughter Ashley yesterday if she remembered me saying ” it may not be equal…..and she finished my sentence…” but, it’s fair”.  The important thing to me at that moment was she said it without rolling her eyes.  So, ….it has worked for me.