I remember sitting on an airplane over 10 years ago with a young woman talking about some tension that she and her boyfriend were having. I had spent a fair amount of time with both of them, so I had witnessed it firsthand.
After some discussion, I said to her; “You know….you don’t need to say everything that you are thinking. It takes a fair amount of discipline (self-control), but it has proven over and over to me, that it’s the wise thing to do.”
I realized at that moment, that although I had practiced this often myself….. it was the first time that I had used the phrase….”the discipline of the unspoken thought.” Since that day, I have continued to practice that discipline every single day, and have coached many, many others to do the same.
In my marriage, I have thoughts about something my husband has said or done that just bug me. Often, I leave those thoughts unspoken, give myself some processing time, and just let it go. Most of the time, it really didn’t need to be said, because it’s not right thinking or it really doesn’t matter. Sometimes, after processing and choosing better timing, we do talk about it; and it’s a much healthier and much more productive discussion than if I would have spoken those thoughts at the moment I had them.
Same with my friendships, there are times when I want to vent about something or someone that would be considered gossip. In parenting my adult children, I have thoughts about how they are doing something or what they aren’t doing. I am very aware that not every opinion or thought that I have is right, or needs to be said out loud.
Actually, I am surprised how many of the thoughts that roll around in my mind, do not need to be said; and after some time….I am really thankful that I didn’t say them.
The “Discipline of the Unspoken Thought”…….it has worked for me.
it has worked for me 