I am on a road trip with my 3-year-old grandchild. He has an older brother and a little sister that stayed at home, but big brother took a road trip with us last year (my daughter showed him pictures from the trip as proof ).
Most of the time when I spend time with him it includes his siblings. And that is a blast…..a very busy blast. This is a tradition we hope to continue…..one on one time with our grandchildren.
It takes me back to when my own children were little. I had 4 children in four years. It really was great for them because there was always somebody to play with, but I remember craving one on one time with them so that I could know them individually and not always as a group.
I even went so far as to send the twins to preschool separately to accomplish that. One of the boys attended in the morning and the other in the afternoon. It seemed a little crazy to my friends and their preschool teacher, but it gave me time alone with each of them at 3 years old….a time when their little personalities are in full bloom.
As often as I could, I would take one of the kids with me to run and errand, go out for lunch or an ice cream, let them stay up to play a little longer (with me), even skip a nap to hang out. It took some creativity to make it happen and it cost me some precious alone time, but it was worth it. Mark (dad) would as often as he could take one of them on a business trip with him. Kids are different alone than in a group. You can really focus on them and what makes them unique. You can talk and they listen better.
This approach was not always popular with my kids at the time however. The others would protest when they were being left at home, the one going would want the others to go along, the twin that was being left at pre-school without the other was not happy about it, but this was one of many decisions I made as a mom that “they didn’t have to like …but they did have to do”, a phrase often used in our home.
When they were older, we decided to take each of them at 16 on a three-day weekend. The place was chosen with their interests in mind. Even at 16 the twins protested because they wanted to go together. So, because I am a problem solver by nature…I came up with a plan to compromise. Mark left with one of the boys alone for a day, then I traveled with the other one to join them. We spent a day together and then we swapped boys and the one who left early with Mark left with me and Mark stayed with the other one. Are you confused? That gave Mark and I alone time with each of them and the boys spent one of the three days together. A little crazy, but worth it.
As I reflect back on those early years, I realize that my strategy was born out of my own personality. I am much more satisfied relationally one on one than in a group. I craved time alone with each of my kids and so I got creative to accomplish that. They didn’t realize it at the time, or even probably appreciate it, but I know it was good for them. Anyway… it worked for me!
it has worked for me 