it has worked for me

I thought I knew all of the “releases” that we would face as parents.   The first day of school, the first play date without me, the first sleepover, and getting their driver’s license. When kids get their driver’s licenses is a major release.  They taste real independence for the first time.  Before they can drive, they are dependent on you to get them where they need to go.  And before kids with cell phones and tracking Apps….we didn’t know where they were once they left the house.

I started anticipating the college release at the beginning of their senior year in high school.  I think I had a lump in my throat for 9 months. College gives kids real independence, but let me say that the anticipation of that release was far worse than the reality.

Then, the wedding day comes and we release them to the person they have chosen to love and build a life with.  It’s a bittersweet release.  You know that the relationship will (and needs to) change because it’s very important for them to “leave and cleave “. We were blessed to love the man and women our kids chose to marry, so that was the sweet part.

So, after that, I thought we were done with the “releasing”.  Then…surprise! There is one more release that snuck up on us.

When your adult children are beginning their careers and families and building a life, often they come to you for advice and help.  And it’s important to respond to that carefully recognizing their independence and adulthood.  They need to be free to “take it or leave it”.

But, if we do our job well…our kids will need less and less help and advice from us.  They will do things differently than we did, think differently, make choices without our input, succeed, or fail, and we need to release them to do all of that with a healthy attitude.  It’s actually the reward for raising emotionally, spiritually, and relationally healthy adults.

Because that last “release” was a bit of a surprise….we struggled with that one a bit more than the rest.  But after an attitude adjustment and some reflective processing……we are celebrating this release.  And it feels great.  Anyway…..it has worked for me!!