No Dessert, but Great Discussion

I was at dinner last week with 6 young moms who were very intentional about doing their very best to raise great kids.  Instead of dessert, we went around the table and asked the question, what advice would you give your younger self about raising kids? It was a great discussion.  My answer was about the outside influencers on my kids.  I told them that the age that most of your children are right now (pre-school) is the time in their lives when you have the most control over the people who have an influence on them.  Don’t take that for granted.  It’s a gift and a responsibility.

Once they start school, you have far less control over who has an influence on them.  When that stage of life came into my children’s lives, I became very intentional about maintaining as much control as I still could in a healthy way.  For example, my kids loved having friends over after school even at a very young age.  I paid attention to what was being said and how they were interacting.  If they needed some help solving a problem or responding to each other then I would step in and talk to them about it.  There were a few instances when I would cut the playdate short and take the friend home if I didn’t think things were going well.

I remember one instance when the kids were pre-teens. They were hanging outside playing basketball and I could see them out the living room window.  I noticed some behavior that I wasn’t happy about.  I called my kids inside and told them that the other kids needed to call their parents for a ride home.  We talked about the behavior and the other kids went home.  Later one of the moms called me and was upset that I had sent her child home.  I explained that I was not happy with the behavior of all of the kids, not just her child.  It was more important for me to intervene than worry about the other mom’s reaction.  I’m just saying…it’s not always easy.

We entertained a lot of kids at our house.  We liked it that way.  Our kid’s friends felt welcome, at home, and they knew I loved them. They also knew that there was an expectation of good behavior and that I was paying attention.

One other thing…we allowed sleepovers before the kids got their drivers licenses.  Sleepovers allow a lot of together time!  Because of that, I was very careful about who was a sleepover friend and who was a daytime friend.  There were friends that I didn’t worry about the influence they were having on our kids,  but there were also some that I thought it was wise to limit the time they spent together.

It’s all about paying attention and doing the wise thing for your kids, even if it’s not the most popular thing.  Anyway…It worked for me!!